POST HUNGER GAME SHOW
[The following is a text conversation that does include SPOILERS]
CD: Haha. Hunger Games sucked.
BG: You agree or just commenting on my thoughts?
CD: I saw your shouldigoseeit and laughed because I felt the same way. I tried to leave the movie but my friends wouldn’t let me.
BG: Haha. You gotta back me up on Twitter. I’m entering a flame war.
CD: I hated it.
BG: It would have redeemed itself if she slit his throat at the end when they changed the rule back.
CD: And drank his blood for the hell of it.
BG: There we go! I was gonna tweet things that would have made it better: an R rating, semiautomatic weapons, and a story that wasn’t so goddamn stupid.
CD: And if Elizabeth Banks had been shot with a shotgun maybe. I was thinking the whole time ‘Why the fuck does she have a southern accent? Is this America? WHAT IS PANEM?’
BG: Honestly the whole concept is ridiculous. “Forget spending money on healing the nation and feeding our people. Let’s spend it on elaborate television productions.”
CD: And I didn’t know anything about this coming in.
BG: Yea, I went in fresh knowing only it was a life and death tournament. Which sounded exciting. My mistake!
CD: And does the FCC exist in Panem? Sounds like something should exist. Does that mean Panem allows cursing on network TV? GET ME TO PANEM!
BG: Amen. Also, “Let’s keep all our supplies in one place, surrounded by land mines that are visibly marked by mounds of dirt. If we get hurt we’ll air drop some magic healing potion that cures all wounds within 6 hours.” Ahh this movie made me so mad you have idea. I am legitimately angry.
CD: Yeah, what’s up with those parachutes. And those demon dogs that suck at biting? Four dogs can’t get one scratch on that little bitch, Pita? I want him dead.
BG: Don’t get me started! So they can just manifest creatures of their design wherever and whenever they want? How about manifesting some wheat?!
CD: Man up and put a T-Rex that shits out bread after it eats humans.
BG: Now THAT’D be productive. As opposed to, say, staging a tournament that includes such thrilling moments as: ‘Child climbs tree!’ And ‘Girl picks berries!’
CD: And WTF was up when they found her and then couldn’t kill her with the bow? How about this geniuses: Ask the girl that could slice the wings off a fly with her damn knives to MURDER HER. I was so angry at that moment.
BG: “We’ve mastered throwing weapons… so let’s go ahead and wait out our target that’s 30ft above us in plain sight.”
CD: She isn’t immune to rocks.
BG: Same when she was looking at the camp from afar. Eventually it’s one kid left. Shoot him with an arrow! Your goal is to kill people. He’s right there!
CD: It’s like they drafted the people who don’t have survival skills OR common sense.
BG: Same thing with them hanging out in packs. Everyone has to die. Don’t take alliances and never miss an opportunity. So frustrating.
CD: I’d be like ‘Yeah! Alliance!’ And then stab them repeatedly.
BG: Exactly! They all fell asleep at one point. Horrific. Throw in some SEALs as referees just to make it interesting. Absurd. The whole thing was just silly.
Aaaand scene!
