Laughter without philosophy woven into it is but a sneeze at humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom, and if a piece of humor is to last, it must do two things. It must teach and it must preach – not professedly. If it does those two things professedly, all is lost. But if it does them effectively, that piece of humor will last forever – which is 30 years.
—Mark Twain
Still ranks as one of my favorite commercials of all time.
Courtesy of TheOnion.com
Hilarious snapshot of a comments section from The A.V. Club, a.k.a. the best site on the web.
—
Jeremy: Rule #32: You don’t commit to a relative unless you’re absolutely positive they have a pulse.
Jonathan: Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.
Jeremy: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!
—
“Are they testing missiles here or what?”
“Can you imagine coming home to this? What a nightmare…”
“This is what Budapest looked like after World War II.”
“Is there anyone running this city? Is there a mayor? Or can they not afford one?”
“I’m never coming down here again.”
I found this a long time ago and got a kick out of it so I kept it around in my documents. Then today I was sifting through some things and found it again, so I figured I’d share it. Enjoy!
[On Haiti] You know, they got every news outlet in the world down there. At this point they probably have more reporters than Haitians! And not for nothing but wouldn’t you think the news crews would bring some band-aids with them? Bring supplies or something if you’re going there anyway. And they got this doctor there on CNN talking about how bad it is. Yea? Well how about you roll up your sleeves and get to work?!
—My Father (Bill George Sr.)
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
—Dave Barry
I don’t make my bed for the same reason I don’t tie my shoes after I take them off. It doesn’t make sense.
—Jim Gaffigan
You cannot abandon people in the middle of an airport pickup! It’s a binding social contract. We… we must go forward… not back.
—George
Trooper: State Police, we’re doing checks to make sure everyone is okay to drive. Where you coming from tonight?
Me: My high school reunion actually.
Trooper: High school reunion, huh? Have a good time?
Me: Yea, it was pretty fun.
Trooper: You all right to drive?
Me: Yes.
Trooper: … Alright, go ahead.
Granted it’s twenty minutes long, this is still one of the most entertaining videos I’ve ever seen. I’m not a fan of Kevin Smith’s films, but I love listening to him talk. Especially in this instance where he describes what happened when he was first asked to write a ‘Superman’ script.
Do you ever feel like the world is a tuxedo and you’re a pair of brown shoes?
—George Gobel
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