Mr. Bill George

I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates. There’s too many captains on this island…

—Quint (Jaws, the quintessential summer movie)

We looked at all possible candidates. You have an immaculate record. Some people don’t trust a guy with an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record.

—Captain Ellerby (as portrayed by Alec Baldwin in The Departed)

I get a craving like a fiend for nicotine, but I don’t need a cigarette, know what I mean?

—“Microphone Fiend” (Preferably the ‘Rage Against The Machine’ version)

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

—What I like to imagine a member of SEAL Team Six said before ending Osama bin Laden

You’re not a good writer, you’re a bad writer in a world full of terrible writers.

—Rob Charlton

“Welcome to flight… uh… something or other.”

“If you don’t know how to use your seatbelt please raise your hand. I will come over to help, and slightly ridicule, you.”

“Please look forward and pretend to pay attention in order to make me feel better about myself while doing this safety presentation.”

—Spoken in perfect deadpan by our hilarious flight attendant Charlie